Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
