That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
