Pappa wants mamma naked
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
