sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
