New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
this will be a night to untag.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
