Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
