so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
