Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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