gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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