It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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