I'm so fucking centered right now
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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