there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
