i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
