Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
