I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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