So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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