I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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