Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
