nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
