thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
