1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize