Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
