We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
