I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
