Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
