you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
