I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
