In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
