I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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