Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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