No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
