5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
