all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
