is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
