I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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