yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
