as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
