I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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