And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
