So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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