I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
