She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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