everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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