i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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