plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
