Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
