I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
