a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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