I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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