Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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