I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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