Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
