why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Found the puke drawer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
