How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize