Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
