Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
