1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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