I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
