did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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