11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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