He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
