You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
