there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
