Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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