there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
