2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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