i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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