so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
