i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize