suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
