i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
