Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
