Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
