I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i will never coherently bang her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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