Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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