Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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