First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
